Blogging

    In the beginning of the semester when Mrs. Crocker announced we would be blogging my stomach sunk. The only blogs that I had read were the blogs that my family members have made. Their blogs typically are about their days around the house cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids. I figured it was a way for the homemakers of my family to brag about their “Susie homemaker” life styles. I enjoy cleaning and taking care of my son as well, but the last thing I want to do is write about it!

    I try to leave as little of a foot print on the World Wide Web as I possibly can. My Facebook profile is on private. I only add people that I know personally. So, the thought of my personal life being splashed across a blog site was not something I was not excited about. In the directions it stated we could avoid using personal situations and information if we wanted, but I knew that in order to write blogs that people would enjoy reading, I had to use my personal experiences. I doubt I will continue to blog after this semester is over. Even though it wasn’t horrible, I just feel like I don’t have much to write about, unless assigned a topic. My life as a mother is boring enough; I don’t think I need to bore the world by writing about it. Also, the privacy settings are not strict enough for my liking. Facebook is really the only form of blogging I will continue to use. I can post pictures, comments and stories for family and friends to read.

     Blogging hasn’t been all bad. I like the fact that we get to see what other classmates came up with for their blogs. It is interesting to get a glimpse into their lives. Usually you go through a semester hardly even speaking to your fellow classmates, but in our case we got to read stories about each other. I have enjoyed so many blogs this year it is hard to even pick a few that were my favorites. Amanda’s blog was a fun one because I got to read more about the girl sitting next to me in class. The title of another blog had something to do with golf and poker. I found that one interesting because he talked about being in the military. My father served his country for many years so I could relate to the writers struggles. Yet, I enjoyed something in all of them. I wish the class best of luck in all your future endeavors.

Yosemite

I was visiting my aunt with my mom in Fresno, California. She lived closer to Yosemite in the mountains. The gate at the entrance of Yosemite was roughly twenty-five minutes from the house. It was a Sunday morning and everyone in the house was getting ready for church. I decided since it wasn’t a church that I belonged to, that I would go take a drive through Yosemite that day. I have been to Yosemite many times as a child, but had yet to visit as an adult. I love the outdoors. These days camping usually involves places where we can go dirt bike riding too.

     It was a crisp winter day, which made me nervous that it might snow. We don’t have chains for the Honda CRV and the drive down into Yosemite Valley has a very windy road. I decided to take my chances. When I got to the main gate of the national park, I was very anxious to get to the Valley floor and see all the sights. When I was a kid I remembered the valley was where all the beautiful waterfalls are. I remembered very wrong. The whole drive down into the valley was breath taking. Although it was freezing outside I blasted the heater and rolled down my windows. The air tasted and smelled so fresh. The only I can describe it is to compare it to the way it smells after it rains, but one hundred times better.

     I pulled over constantly to take pictures of the scenery and enjoy the great outdoors. The roads kept winding and I enjoyed every minute of it. The moment I got through the tunnel and saw the view of the whole Yosemite Valley I was blown away. The recent rain and winter air made it feel like my own personal wonderland. It was the off season so there was practically no one in the park. The silence while standing looking at the view is something I will never forget. It almost made me feel like I was the last person left on earth. I took a lot of pictures of the scenery but I also took some pictures of myself while holding the camera out in front of me, hoping to get myself in the shot.

     When I finally reached the Valley I went to one of the hotels. I asked one of the front desks clerks for a good place to eat, because it was the off season not a lot was open. I chose to eat at the hotel’s restaurant. I ordered a stew and corn bread. The cold weather made it a perfect choice. The food was amazing, and I sat by a huge fireplace just reading my book. After lunch I parked the car by an open field that had a beautiful view of two waterfalls. I backed in to the spot and opened the back door to the car. I laid out blankets in the back of the car and cuddled up with my book. I finished it in just a couple of hours. I went for a walk in the snow and soaked in as much as I could before I had to leave. It would be getting dark early and I did not want to brave those windy roads in the dark. I took a few more pictures and headed home. I remember thinking that I should have brought someone with me, but immediately I decided I wouldn’t have changed that day for anything. Since then I make it a point to take time for me. I love taking vacations alone. There is something liberating about taking a vacation alone. I get to take time to enjoy silence.

(I took the first picture with the timer on my camera. In the second picture I remeber wishing I had lemonade to make it look like yellow snow.)

 

More than Important

    My mother has always been an influence in my life. Sometimes the influence is bad and sometimes it is good. She specifically is not a bad influence; she has just stirred up bad emotions in me. Nobody can push our buttons like our lovers and our mothers. She can’t have a conversation without bringing her religion into it and trying to convert you. She loves everybody, no matter what. I remember when I was little and we would go shopping, I would wander off and I always found my mom by looking for her big hair. She has been my mirror when I didn’t want to face all the bad decisions that I was making in my life, but she is my own personal cheerleader. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the beginning of this year. It has been the most painful thing in my life to watch my mother lose weight rapidly.  Her skin is starting to hang of her bones and her eyes always look tired. She has not lost her spirit; she will perk right up when company walks in and tell them she is fine. The reality check that happens when you find out that your mother is dying of a rare cancer that no treatment known to mankind will slow down or cure is painful. The wind is knocked out of you. It’s like waiting for your world to fall apart. The promise of demise that you are not sure you want to believe. Sometimes I wish it would just hurry up and take her. Fulfill this promised demise. Yet, I find myself praying for forever.

 

   He is ten years old and one of the most loving little kids I have ever met. He is tall for his age and lanky. He wears glasses that he constantly pushes up on his nose when he gets nervous. He fidgets when he is sitting still, like he can’t wait to get up and run. If you hand him a computer he will turn into an educated computer technician, or at least you will think he has. He uses his iPod to send text messages to people that love him, through an application he downloaded. At ten he has an extensive contacts list. I ease drop on them every once in a while. We have long talks about love, hate and intolerance. I am blessed to have such an amazing son. He isn’t always the little old man trapped in the ten year old body. He has his moments when he misbehaves. It is funny to watch him when he realizes he is acting like a child. The old soul takes over again and he is quick to apologize and give you a hug.

 

    When I think back to when I was little and try and picture my father I visualize a shut door. He was always in his room with the door shut. On holidays he would go as far to tape up a sign that read “DO NOT DISTURB.” When I had done something bad enough my mother would decide it was his turn to punish me. I would have to go in his room to talk to him. He would take off his glasses; his beady eyes always scared me. One time he told me that if I continued to head down the path I was headed that my soul would turn black. I would no longer have God, Jesus or The Holy Ghost watching over me. He always knew what to say to scare you. I think that is a choice he made, to control and discipline with fear. I remember wishing I had a dad that thought of me as his little princess. My father has changed over the years; grandkids have turned him into a gushing grandpa. I will never know what caused this change because we don’t talk about stuff like that. I do know that he writes in his diary every day with his shaky hand. I am too afraid to touch them now, but one day I might read about how he thought of me as his little princess.

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part Two

        

   I went and saw Breaking Dawn part two on opening night. The mass amounts of people that line up to see it is astounding. It makes the excitement to see the book play out on the big screen that much more exciting. I have read all four books more times than I would like to admit. The writing is a bit juvenile, but I don’t think these were meant to be epic novels. They were meant for pre-teens and teens. . If you are a Twilight fan you will love this movie. If you are not a Twilight fan these numbers speak for themselves. The movie made 340.9 million dollars on opening night worldwide.

   Breaking Dawn part two was the movie I anticipated the most. New Moon is my favorite book and movie. I believe they have out done themselves. This movie was amazing! It had just enough comedy and drama to keep you entertained. They brought in so many new cast members to play out all the new characters introduced in the book. I love how a book portrayed on the big screen can twist and turn in so many ways that your mind never thought of while reading it. The twist of plot had the whole theatre screaming, which to me was the highlight of my night. I think I cried and laughed harder than I have in a very long time, all because my friends were crying and screaming too. I couldn’t help but laugh at them.

   Even if you are not a big fan of the books, and even if you have not seen any of the movies. I suggest you give them a chance. You might be surprised that you actually do like them. Don’t say you don’t like the Twilight Saga until you have given it a fair chance.

Fast Food and Hot Dogs

   I remember when I was about ten years old one of my best friends was explaining to me the ingredients in a hot dog. Her voice sounded more like she was telling a scary story than explaining something that humans actually consume. I was horrified by everything she said. My first reaction was to call her a liar, but after asking my parents for the facts about hot dogs, I found out her scary story was indeed truth. I do not eat hot dogs anymore. The knowledge had changed me for life. Later on in life I remember someone asking me if I knew what was in bologna. I shouted “Don’t tell me!” I figured remaining naïve is better than not eating delicious foods.

   Fast Food Nation is like a hot dog to me, but instead of just the ingredients being exposed, this book has exposed so much more. I wish I had yelled at the beginning of the semester “I won’t read that!” Hind sight is twenty-twenty. This book should be in the horror section of a bookstore. Just like the hot dog I will be forever scarred. I can’t take the things that I have read and learned from this book out of my brain. This book has forced me to look at what I eat and if I will continue trying to remain oblivious to the facts.  

My First Semester at Oxnard College

 

   This is my first semester at Oxnard College. I chose to go back to school to better my chances in today’s challenging economy. I have not been to school in years which made me nervous that it might be too challenging and completely different from the years I went to High School. When I was in High School I was a bit of a rebel and never paid attention. I hardly attended, which was constantly getting me and my Mom into trouble.

   The experience so far has been positive. I have learned that I actually can be good at school. Not only has it helped with my self-esteem, it has made me follow through with goals I have set for myself. The only thing that bugs me about college is the pressure I put on myself. I stress out about assignments over and over. When it’s over and turned in I usually receive a grade that I never expected. I wish I could just give myself a little slack sometimes. The challenges I face are juggling being a single mother and attending College. I am setting an example to child that it is never too late to continue your education.

   The workload is sometimes hard to handle, yet I usually find it is because I have procrastinated. I wish that I had more time to spend with my son, but my perfectionist attitude will not let me do less than my best. This requires over working any project that comes in front of me, no matter what subject it is. The ultimate goal of finishing my general education requirements and furthering my education for my family is what keeps me going.

   Staying motivated is not easy. I have worked fifty plus hours a week jobs since my child was a baby. The temptation to skip class and stay in bed is hard to fight. I have to constantly remind myself why I am doing this and the positive changes it will have on our lives. One of the things that helps me stay motivated is I have a picture of a business woman in a court room. The picture has her standing in front of the jury. In my mind she is making her last arguments for the case she is working on. It is in a place where I see it every day.  I hope that will be me someday.

You can't handle the TRUTH

The truth from last week's blog was #1. I was born in the United States, but not in a State. Otherwise known as Washington D.C.

Which one is the truth?

 

1.      I was born in the United Sates, but not in a State.

2.      I was married at the age of seventeen, and divorced at the age of seventeen.

3.      I was stuck in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina.

4.      I have been riding dirt bikes since I was five years old.

5.      My great grandpa invented the fluid drive transmission. This is known today as the automatic transmission. My family is rich.

"Self-Conclusion" by Spill Canvas

       I miss my nephew and all his friends coming over to jam at my house.

Why do kids have to grow up, and think it’s uncool to hang out with their Aunt?

 

"Self-Conclusion" by Spill Canvas

Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world

"Excuse me, sir
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're going to say it's not right"
My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?"

She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self-conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"

She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self-conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliché motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too"

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self-conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets

CHANGE

  

   When I was young I develop opinions on issues based on naive childish thoughts. I felt like I knew everything about being an adult and was ready to take on the world. I had very little life experience to back up these opinions. Life goes on and changes us. Sometimes these changes happen very quickly, and sometimes very slowly.

   When I was in high school I was sure I would never have children. Friends around me were having children very young. Watching them struggle I realized being a mother was not for me. Of course at the time I was too young to even start worrying about being a mother.

   When I was seventeen I met the man I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with. After dating for two years we talked about getting married, but the one thing we could not agree on was kids. I still didn’t want to have children. I had helped raise my nieces and nephews. I loved them so much. The thought of having a little person that I was responsible for shaping the person they would become scared me to death. I didn’t feel that motherly instinct to reproduce.

   I took every precaution to prevent pregnancy. My boyfriend would say I was over cautious and that birth control was enough. We got engaged in the spring of 2001. We had finally agreed that having children wasn’t something we had to do to complete our relationship. We had moved forward and started to focus on career goals. The happiness we felt with each other was enough.

   I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. The fear and disbelief of seeing that pink plus sign on the pregnancy test is still in my mind. I have to admit that I was angry. We were doing everything in our power to prevent pregnancy. I could not understand how it was possible. My boyfriend never directly said it to me, but I could tell he was ecstatic. He had compromised with me about not having a child, but in the end he got what he had always wanted. It took a little longer for me to come around to the idea of being a mother, but his support and pure joy had softened my heart. I was looking forward to the little life we had created inside me.

   We booked an appointment right away with my doctor and made sure we both had the day off work. The drive to the appointment was something I will never forget. It was the last time we were happy together. During the appointment we found out that we had lost our baby. The news crushed both of us, but as weird as this sounds; It was harder on him than on me. I still to this day blame myself for feeling a little relieved.

   Our relationship had hit a breaking point. We tried so hard to put it back together and support one another through it. All the work did the exact opposite. We had grown apart, and healed separately. The day after my birthday we broke up. It wasn’t a dramatic or horrible break up. We woke up and looked and each other, and knew we couldn’t keep holding onto this relationship because we were scared to let go.

   Looking back on that day I would have fought for our relationship. If I had only known that one month later I would find out that I was pregnant again. We hadn’t spoken since. I was so terrified to call him. I had just started to heal from everything. It felt like I had been pushed right back into that doctors office again.

   I dialed his number and waited for him to answer. The thought crossed my mind that he might not pick up. When he did I tried to hide my tears, yet even over the phone I was see through. I explained to him that I had taken a test and gone to the doctor. We were pregnant again. I knew there was a chance that we would not be getting back together. I never imagined he would tell me he couldn’t go through all of it again. He said the decision was up to me, and hung up.

   I never thought I had that motherly instinct. I especially never believed I would be raising a child alone. Here I am ten years later with a beautiful little boy that I would die for. My son was born in April of 2002.  He was premature. We have not had the easiest life, but I couldn’t have done it without him. Sometimes I think about the last words his dad had said to me. I wonder if he actually wanted me to terminate my pregnancy. To me that was never an option.

   When my son was five years old I received and e-mail from his father. I could tell reading the e-mail that the guilt of what he had done had taken its toll on him. He asked if he could be part of our son’s life and he asked for my forgiveness. It wasn’t up to me. If it was, my son’s life, and mine would be completely different. I never thought I could swallow my pride, yet in the reply to his father I realized I had grown into a wonderful mother. I put the best interests of my son first. I had the motherly instinct after all.

   My son’s father is now a big part of his life. It isn’t easy because he lives in another state. There is a lot of compromising and missed holidays. My son takes three trips every year to visit his dad. We never did give our relationship another chance nor have I completely healed from it all. I can say that I have forgiven him. I can’t feel anger towards something that cannot be changed. The anger has changed into feelings of sadness for my son’s father. He didn’t get to be there for the first five years of his life. We have raised a loving and precious little boy. Not only have my opinions about being a mother changed, I now believe it is the greatest joy I have ever experienced.

Families are Forever

     

   I am the youngest of six children in my family. If you ask my older siblings they will tell you that I am the most spoiled out of all of us. Being the youngest isn’t as easy as they make it out to be. I had to be the loudest to be heard. I tried to grow up way too fast so I could do all the things my brother and sisters were doing. I hated being told I was too young to do something.

   I was raised in a very strict religion that was pushed on me at a very young age. There were a lot of rules to live by. We had an example to set, so that the rest of the world would know we were different. It was really hard to grow up this way because I always felt I was not good enough, even when I made little normal mistakes any child would make.

    When I turned fourteen I decided I didn’t need my family. I was done being told how to live my life. I started to rebel and not go to church. My parents took it very hard. The long talks and punishments did not work, I was stubborn. I moved away at the age of sixteen to live with my sister in Oklahoma. I was determined to prove to my parents that I was old enough to make my own decisions.

   I lost contact with my family for a very long time after that move. My sister would always tell me that they had asked how I was doing. I didn’t care what they wanted. I had put such a large wedge between my feelings about family. Sometimes I was afraid I would never see them again. Yes, it was childish but I was not willing to admit that to myself at the time.

    Two years later I moved back to my home town. I was very excited to see my friends and be back home, yet I was dreading having to see my parents. We didn’t have anything in common anymore and it had been so long since we had last spoken. I didn’t know what to say. I had been home for a month before I decided to go visit them. I still remember the day I knocked on their door. It felt very weird to knock on the door of the house I grew up in. When my mom answered she started to cry. It was then that I realized I was not making a statement by not speaking to them. I had hurt her deeply.

    We talked for hours about what Oklahoma was like and where I was living. I missed talking to my mom. I let her know how I felt about her religion and that I wanted nothing to do with it, and that I still felt the same way. She admitted she was wrong for pushing me so much as a child to be perfect. We were expressing our feelings in a healthy way, without yelling at each other like we used to. That day I let my parents back into my life.

   Families can mean different things to different people. There are the families you are born into and then there are the families you create. Your friends can be just as important to you as family. They can be there for you during hard times, just as your family is. You can have arguments with your family and you can have arguments with your friends. The one thing that makes you a family is you forgive and move on. You lift each other up when someone is down and you are always there for one another. It took me a very long time to learn this.

Itsy Bitsy Spider- Essay #1

   

   Childhood memories are usually things we look back on to remember a time of innocence and care free days. My childhood was no different. I was what you would call a “tom boy.” I was climbing trees, playing basketball and doing anything to be one of the boys. I grew up on a regular street like anyone else. Back in the late 1980’s and the early 1990’s, everyone on the block knew each other. It wasn’t like these days where we hardly know our neighbors. The parents on our block hung out together, and all of us kids played together. It was never boring. At all times of the day you had someone to play with. If I think back I can remember at least 20 kids I grew up with on my street. 

   The boys on my block were a tough group. I always was trying to impress them so that they would think I was one of the guys. I remember the day I decided to make a fort. I  made it out of an old short palm tree pressed up between the side of my house and the surrounding backyard fences. There was only one way in. You had to lift a few large leaves and crawl under them to enter. When you entered, you were hidden from everyone. It was a very secret hiding place. I loved my fort. I brought in old blankets to cover the ground. I lined the boards of the backyard fences with trinkets and knickknacks. It was truly my own hideaway from the world. 

   I have to say I was the bossiest club president. My fort would not fit all the kids on the block at once, probably only eight at tops. Picking only eight was very difficult for me. If  I picked only boys, I would be teased mercilessly. If I picked only girls, I would be shunned by the boys who played better games than Barbie’s. So I decided I would make it case by case basis. If you were a good friend to me the days we were playing in my fort you would be allowed in. I abused my power all the time. The kids on my block liked my  fort and wanted to be a member. They were always saying how jealous they were that 

they didn’t have a fort next to their houses like mine. I loved the attention. 

   When I was 8 years old my parents sat my siblings and I down to let us know they would be leaving to Las Vegas for the weekend. My parents taking mini-vacations was nothing new. We usually were dropped off at our grandparents house in Murrieta Hot Springs. I hated leaving my friends. When my parents told us my oldest sister Resa would be coming to our house to watch us, I was ecstatic. My sister Resa was young, hip and, most of all, lenient on rules. The only rules were to clean up your messes, no fighting and always be home when the street lights come on. My parents were packed and ready to go when my sister arrived. I said goodbye and reminded them not to forget to bring me a present back. 

   I was free to run amuck for an entire weekend. I gathered a few of my best friends for a club meeting. I wanted to have a lemon-aid stand that weekend to raise money for our club. The money went to maintaining and making our fort better. After the meeting was over, and more kids were coming out to play, we decided to play a game of reverse hide and seek.  

   When it was my turn to hide I tried to avoid my fort. Everyone knew it was my favorite place in the world, but I had just cleared out some brush in between my chimney and the fence. I had not hid inside my fort in so long maybe the hiding spot would do just the opposite. I decided to take my chances. As they began to count, I ran for my fort as fast as I could. I squeezed into the clearing and waited. As I was standing in that tight spot I realized that no way we were all fitting into this space unless we squeeze together. The 

first person to find me was Scott. That made me nervous. He was older and bigger than a lot of us. We would have to squeeze tighter than I thought to avoid detection. 

   As he started to squeeze in I felt a sharp prick on my right thigh. I looked down and saw a huge brown spider run down my leg. I screamed so loud I caught the attention of everyone looking for us. “Great, now they all know where we are, all because of a dumb spider. Girls are such babies!” Scott said. He stepped on the spider and killed it, then picked it up to examine it. I didn’t care if boys play cool games. The fact that they pick up bugs was just plain icky! I looked at my thigh and realized I had been bit. The spot that had felt like a tiny prick had swollen to the size of a quarter. I couldn’t believe how much it hurt.  

   I decided to forfeit the game. I ran into the house to show my sister the bite. Scott ran in behind me with the dead spider in his hand. We were both talking so fast when we found my sister in the kitchen listening to music and doing the dishes. She turned the music off and told us to calm down. “Now start from the beginning” she said. I could only think of one thing to do. I showed her my thigh where the spider had bit me. It was bigger than before and more swollen. It was also changing colors. That is when Scott held up the spider and shouted “I killed it!” My sister screamed at the sight of the spider. I was glad to know that even grown up girls don’t like spiders. She grabbed a sandwich bag and told Scott to seal it up. 

   She raced me to the bathroom and plopped me up on the sink. She pulled out a large brown bottle from the medicine cabinet. I now know it was hydrogen peroxide. She started to pour the liquid over the bathroom sink onto the bite. The smell made me sick and it made the wound bubble up, which was actually pretty cool. She put some  Neosporin on it and bandaged it up. I actually think she believed it when she announced “All better now, you can go play.” 

   I really wanted to go out and play again, but I was still in so much pain. I decided to go and lay down in the living room and watch some television instead. My sister brought me some Advil to help with the pain. As I lay on the couch I started to feel flu like symptoms coming on. I was feeling very nauseous. I felt my head getting very hot. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I can always tell I am really sick when I actually vomit. I hate the act and the feeling of it. 

   When my sister saw me throwing up she knew it was time to call my parents. She was taking my temperature while she was leaving a message at the front desk of the hotel my parents were staying at. My temperature had reached 101 degrees. I was sweating like I had just ran a mile. My sister grabbed that ugly spider in the bag and started to examine it as well. She knew it wasn’t a black widow. She guessed it was just your average garden spider. 

   As we waited for my parents to call back I remember going in and out of  

consciousness. I would go back and forth between being hot and cold. I was not throwing up anymore, but my temperature had climbed to 103 degrees. My sister raced me into the bathroom and started running a cold bath. When she removed the bandage the horror on her face scared me more than what the bite had become. It looked as if my skin was deteriorating and a red line had begun to move up my leg away from the bite. I immediately threw up again in the toilet. My sister dumped more hydrogen peroxide on the wound and got me into the cold tub. I remember thinking that taking a cold bath was horrible. I would rather have a temperature. She called a neighbor and asked if they could come over and keep an eye on my other siblings while she took me to the emergency room. They were more than willing to help out. 

   On our way to the emergency room the flu symptoms continued. It felt like it took us forever to get there, but in all reality the trip is only about 15 minutes. The emergency room was a blur. It smelled like medicine, bleach and sick people. Nurses were asking me questions and poking at me. I could hardly stay awake, let alone answer all their questions. 

   We got into see a doctor very quickly. My sister explained what had happened. She held up the dead spider in the bag as the doctor took the bandage off my wound. He informed us he was positive it was a venomous spider. He just wasn’t exactly sure what kind it was. He let us know he would take good care of me and to relax. “Everything is going to be fine” he said. He left the room and came back with a nurse. He informed us he was going to cut open the wound and pack it with gauze. The gauze would help pull out infection and any bacteria or venom in my body. As for the red line, that was the venom traveling through my blood vessels trying to reach my heart. If it would have reached my heart I would probably be dead. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to just step on that spider over and over again. Instead I threw up. 

   The thought of the doctor cutting at the wound scared me to death. It hurt so much already. He numbed the skin around the bite then he started to cut. I couldn’t watch. He packed the wound with gauze. I remember being surprised at how much he could fit into  the bite, which was now a crevice in my thigh. He patched it up and sent us home with medications to help me feel better, but he decided to keep the spider. I still to this day thought that was weird. Was he going to attach it to my file? 

   I went home feeling a little better already. When we arrived home my parents had called and said they would be home the next day. The ordeal was almost over. The doctor had that ugly spider, which I was grateful because I don’t think I could have slept knowing it was in my house. I didn’t care if it was dead. I realized the only thing I wanted at that moment was my mommy. 

    The next day the doctor called to let us know he had discovered that the spider that bit me was a brown recluse. Next to the black widow it is one of the most poisonous spiders known to be in North America, if not the most poisonous. He let us know I would have to return to the emergency room every other day to change out the gauze and so the doctor could keep an eye on the healing process. I was very lucky. A brown recluse bite  can leave devastating damage to the skin cells requiring skin graphs or other operations. 

I did not need any operations or skin graphs done. To this day I only have a circular scar on my right thigh. The one thing I learned is, I do not like spiders, and they do not  like me.

Interview with Don King

                                                  

   Don King is the middle child of three boys. He grew up here in Oxnard. He is 21 years old and lives at home with his mother and brothers. Don spends time with his family over dinners. Even though his father does not live with him, Don looks up to his father. Don’s dad is a very happy person. He hopes to adopt his father’s easy going happy personality.

    Don is a self described gamer. He loves computer and video games. His favorite is his Xbox. He can chat online with people from all over while playing his favorite games. “We are a house full of gamers” he said. He spends about 10 hours a day playing video games, sometimes playing into late night hours. It didn’t surprise me when asked to describe him self in three words he said “nocturnal, gamer and goofy.” In my experience these are typical traits of any gamer.

    In spite of his love for video games, Don looks forward to one day becoming self reliant. Moving out of his mother’s house and getting a place of his own. He doesn’t want to look too far forward. He likes to stay focused on what he can do now.

    Going to College seemed to be the first step in reaching his goals. In his family going to college is expected of you. Don looks at it as a head start in life. He is focusing on his general education. If he had to choose a career path now, he would be a Firefighter. Don does not think of him self as a role model. Yet anyone who is going to college and aspires to be a Firefighter has a lot to be proud of.

    This semester Don is taking 9 units at Oxnard College. It is close to home, which helps him out a lot. His favorite class is English 101. He doesn’t have to wake up so early to get to campus in time, unlike his other classes. He enjoys school and likes the campus. He has found nothing about the campus he doesn’t like yet. Don was very surprised that the food is good and they have an arcade here. He does not work right now so he can focus on school, yet still enjoy his free time. All of these factors make Oxnard College a perfect fit for Don.

    When asked how he juggles school, family life and other responsibilities he said “I do my school work as soon as it is assigned, that way procrastination does not get the best of me.” He is on campus about 5 hours a week, so that leaves plenty of time for homework and his love of video games.

To Text or Not to Text

     Text messaging has some positive and negatives. It has become one of the main forms of communication. If I have a quick question or just want to send a hello or I miss you, text messaging does come in handy. I usually prefer to text throughout my day. It is easier with my schedule. I can avoid having to answer phone calls and having a conversation that everyone around me can hear. I can check my phone when it is appropriate and get back to people at my own convenience. If I have a lot to say I can text someone and ask them to call me when they can, that way I am not interrupting them as well.

    The main negative to text messaging is doing it while driving. Not only is it dangerous, it is illegal. Yet everyday we see someone on the road commit this crime. The funny part is that people think a red light or a stop sign with no other cars around is an exception to this law.

   I was having coffee with a friend a while ago. She had a fight with her boyfriend and they broke up. She needed someone to talk it out with. She was crying and telling me she does not understand why he picks fights with her. I asked her what was said to escalate a fight into actually breaking up. They had been together for 2 years. To my surprise she got her phone out and pulled up a screen with different color bubbles on the right and left. She handed me the phone and said “the pink bubbles are me.” I was in shock. Here I was at a coffee shop not talking to my friend, instead reading through their whole fight and all of their personal issues on a little bright screen. I could see why she was confused. I was too! So much is misinterpreted and doesn’t seem sincere over text. There are just some things that require human interaction.

   I will save my short conversations for text messaging. My friendships frequently visited with laughter and coffee dates. I’ll save my love life for real human connections. My fights I will have face to face. I want that person to see my anger, my pain and not misunderstand any of it.

The Harm in Reality

  

   You probably wouldn’t have guessed it, but I am a reality show junkie. Don’t get me wrong. I do not watch every reality show ever to be aired on television, but I do get my fill.

   When I was young television was guarded over, like the last piece of Banana Cream Pie. My parents were very strict about the television shows we were allowed to watch and not watch. Movies that were rated PG-13 had to be pre-screened by my Mother and Father before we were allowed to see them. Rated R movies were out of the question. 

   Needless to say, MTV was never allowed. MTV not only has the longest running reality television show, they are also credited with launching the modern reality television genre. This reality show is called The Real World. The first season of The Real World broadcasted in 1992. It is still to this day one of my favorites.

   I remember going to a friend’s house when I was eleven years old, because her parents both worked and we got to watch all the MTV we wanted. The first music video I remember watching was “Just like a prayer” by Madonna. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen at the time. If anyone has seen this music video you can understand how a sheltered Mormon girl by upbringing would be in awe of Madonna. I fell in love with MTV and all the music videos. MTV has evolved and added a Real World Road Rules challenge. When The Real World season ends the Real World Road Rules challenge begins. I get year round entertainment of my favorite show.

   Looking back I realize that my parents were trying to shelter me from the negativity of all these movies and television shows. They were so busy trying to shield us that they forgot the most important thing. Open communication and talking to your children about the pressures of the world and how to handle them.

   These days I try not to watch too much television. I am too busy raising a child of my own, and balancing all the pressures of being a single mother. My guilty pleasures of reality television are usually saved till after everything else is done, and my son is asleep. Adopting the strict rules of my parents, I would never allow my son to watch MTV or many of the other television shows for that matter.

   My son and I have a very open and honest relationship. We have had “the birds and the bees” talk. My views on the reality television shows are that I would prefer him to learn about the contents of these shows from his Mother. Alcohol, drugs, sex, fighting, abuse, partying and relationship advice should all be heard from loving parents first. They have their children’s best interests at heart. If not, you take the chance of your child taking what they have learned from television or their friend’s as fact.

   MTV has now turned into a dominantly reality television network. If you wake up early enough you can catch some music videos. I see constant previews for new shows. 16 and pregnant, Celebrity Rehab, Intervention, competition shows and True Life. I can only hope parents are talking to their children about the subjects that are brought into the light on these shows. They might be doing more harm than good to a young child’s life. I believe that communication is crucial. If these shows get a child to ask questions about real life issues, I am all for it. Parents cannot rely on their children coming to them to ask questions. Crossing their fingers that their children are not dealing with or learning anything harmful from television. We are the adults. We have to start communicating. We are raising the future.

Fast Food and I

                                                                 

   Since the early 1980’s my mother has collected McDonald’s toys from their Happy Meal’s.  Not just a few, she needed the whole set.  “They are worth nothing if you don’t have all of them” she would say.  It took a while for McDonald’s to realize people were actually collecting the whole sets of toys.  In later years they would sell the sets without having to purchase a Happy Meal.  So growing up we had to go at least three times a week.  My mom would pull into the drive-thru and ask the embarrassing question, “What toy do you have today?”  We would drive to many different McDonald’s around town to see if they had different toys that the others.

   As you can imagine McDonald’s was a big part of my life.  I was never really excited to go.  I only got to make two choices.  What type of soda I wanted and weather to have a cheeseburger or chicken mcnugget's.  I always had to get a Happy Meal.  Other choices on the menu were out of the question.

   It was not a treat, it was forced.  It was however a chance to get out of the house and to spend time with my Mom.  I knew she enjoyed collecting the toys and it prevented me from standing in front of the fridge, starring at its contents, trying to decide what to make myself for dinner.  If left to my own devices I usually always made macaroni and cheese or a tomato sandwich.

   I never learned how to cook.  It never interested me.   Eating out is still a big part of my life.  I have just upgraded from fast food to restaurants.   I love fish over meat.  I enjoy eating vegetables, fresh fruit and salads.  I prefer these choices over fast food any day.  Yet, the convenience of fast food keeps me going back.  It is cheap, easy and familiar.  I wish I was raised with better eating habits.  Eating fast food and junk food has shaped my eating habits as an adult.

   Now that I am a mother I try and make better choices for my son.  I fall short of perfect all too often, but I am proud that my son prefers healthy options over fast food.  If asked what he would like for dinner, he would smile and say “sushi.”  It is our favorite.  We love seafood.  My son eats his vegetables.  His favorites are corn, Brussels sprouts, soy beans and artichokes.  The only vegetable he doesn’t like is broccoli.

   I still have those days that get so busy you are glad that breathing is a natural reflex or you would forget to do that too.  It is those days I find myself in the drive-thru of some fast food joint.  I let my son pick what he wants while I stare at the menu trying to find the healthiest choice on the menu.  I am thankful they post calories now.

   I wish I could say I always make healthy choices and that our meals are always thought out and full of everything our bodies need for the day.  That is just not the case, but I do think about how to make little changes towards healthy eating habits.  I still eat at McDonald’s every once in a while.  Believe it or not I still order a chicken mcnugget happy meal, just like when I was little.  I do not keep the toy.  I usually throw it away.